Sunday, March 08, 2009

the end

I have moved this blog over to wordpress. You can find me now writing here. I figured I'd switch because all the cool kids seem to be doing it and hopefully this will allow me to be a tad more media friendly.

So long blogspot. You've served me well these past few years.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I'm dying

I have been sick for the past few days. I have just finished my midterms and I have the feeling that I did subpar, even though I studied like a fiend. I've been drafted, my little sister's come down with the pox's and my neighbor ol'man Jenkins finally did what he's been threatening to do for months and poisoned my dog. You get my point. Despite all this, I have had the best week I've yet to experience so far this year. Let me explain.

Like I said earlier I've been sick. Usually, this would be a good thing, because I would have a legitimate reason to skip class and not get marks deducted for attendance. Win-win. However, this week is different because I am trying to woo a professor into taking me under his wing. I am a horrible student. I have had countless teachers, bosses, supervisors and professors give me the whole "if you only applied yourself" speech. It's just not for me. I'm not an academic. What I am can only be described as the world's greatest suck up. Call it what you may, but I leave a school/job with a shining reference after just scraping by. This time it's different.

I expected to flash the ol'smile, say the right things and have this world renowned professor under my finger. No dice. He is one hell of a tricky bastard. He's a cranky old man, who has mastered the art of not giving a shit about anything. I am getting some progress, but he is making me work for it. am dying.

Anyways, doing all this extra work has made me skip on the things I need to do like cleaning my apartment, laundry and buying groceries. I've been using this sick time to wash everything but I had been delaying buying groceries for about a week, and I was getting hungry. Buying groceries scares me. Why? A girl.

There is a girl who works at the grocery store. She goes to the same university that I do and I bump into her all the time. She's a psychology major and quite good looking. I used to go grocery shopping everyday, just so I'd possibly bump into her. I'd buy things that I usually wouldn't if she was there, like whole wheat pasta, expensive cheeses (I'm lactose intolerant) and vegetables like asparagus that would inevitably go bad in my refrigerator. I liked her a lot. We went out for coffee. I had a pretty good time and I think she did too.

Then I did something stupid. Really stupid. On a scale of 1 to 10, it's most likely a 9. I went to a club and ended up going home with her good friend. I know, I'm a bastard. What followed was a super awkward week of dating her friend, which ended with me trying to give her a high-five after I told her we should just be friends. It was the most awkward moment of my life.

As I waltzed down the different areas of the grocery store in my sickness stupor, I decided to forgo my usual healthy choices and went with pizza pockets and pop. I'm an emotional eater. I plopped my stuff down on the counter, looked up and who should be standing there but my girl-crush who I blew it with.

I went to say something smart and witty, but all that came out was "ugh". I grunted at her. What the fuck is wrong with me? After coming to my senses, I apologized for what happened. She tore me a new one. I mean, really tore me a new asshole in front of a line of people. She started crying. New most awkward moment of my life. I took it in stride. I did those things, I deserve it.

As I went to leave, she said the following:

You have my number, so phone it. Screw me over again and I'll kill you.

I think I'm in love.

Friday, February 27, 2009


Well it is now two in the morning, so that means that it is officially Friday and my midterm week from hell is over. High note from this week include:

- Seeing an Asian kid have a mental breakdown in the Library and cry hysterically because someone stole his chair.

- Seeing a guy in one of my classes break down and cry in the middle of the exam. (Which might I add was not only sad, but horribly distracting.)

- Gym night from hell. I was at the gym yesterday and I bend down in the change room to tie my shoelaces. Along comes mister "I'm old and could care less if you don't like me walking around ass naked for the duration of your workout". He is strutting his stuff with out a care in the world, when someone tries to squeak by him. Being a gentlemen, he thrusts himself forward so to avoid and make room for this other man. Consequently, he thrust himself right into my face. Yes. That actually happened. A face full of old man. Good lord, even thinking about it is making me gag. This has been a week of tears.

I see only two solutions to all of this, which are to try and either drink the memory away or try and get some sort of counseling.

Side story time. My friends have all been joining online dating websites. It's apparently all the rage now. I, for one, see nothing wrong with this. I blog, twitter, use tumblr and pretty much live on the internet, so why would it be wrong to try and find a date online? I was never keen on the idea of it myself, but after seeing the amazing date my friend somehow managed to get, I decided that there could be no harm in trying it myself.

For my little experiment I decided to go with OkCupid. Everyone I know was using it and its free, so both criteria are met for me. So after uploading a picture, setting my preferences and writing a bit about myself in my profile they made me take a multiple choice test, so as to "narrow the playing field". I answered as honestly as I could.

When I was presented with my first page of best potential matches I was shocked. No joke, 4 out of the 10 women were gay and the rest were bi. What the hell? 40% of the women I'm paired up to talk to don't even find my gender attractive. There were a couple in there in which I would not ever be the least bit suprised if they were, in fact, not women at all. Screw you internet. If I want someone to question my sexuality and make fun of me, I'll go home and hang out with my step-dad.

God, option one is looking better and better the longer this week plays out.