Saturday, November 11, 2006

Sometime we all get tired of running the Race..

Sometimes, a person in my position has to wonder why we need these journeys of self-discovery. I often find my mind wandering to the ‘million dollar question’ of my whole experience here, that being why am I here? It is an interesting and tough question to be sure.

Here are some things that I have recently pondered over, as I now have ample time to think and mull things over. The first being about youth and life; I always feel that I’m living in the wrong manner. I’m talking about how we spend our youth.

One of the big worries is that I am wasting my time here and losing precious time to be at home in the Race. What is the Race you might ask? The Race of Life; get a good job, find a beautiful wife, have children, be a community leader, get rich, be happy at the fastest possible time. I often find myself almost panic stricken sometimes that I am losing a whole year of my life with very little to show for it. Sometimes I think that if I don’t keep running this race, I’ll never get the job, the girl, the security we all desire.

It’s almost as if I don’t keep running this race, then life as an adult (car, money, girl etc.) will never happen. Perhaps, if I wait too long this adult life will simply pass me by and I’ll have missed my chance at making my mark in the world. Then I sit back and remember that I’m 19 and I relax a little. I remember that even if the past two years have really not been the most productive, the act of living them has been so profound on who I am as a person, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same person I was before (even if I wanted to).

It’s little more than a month until my 20th birthday and I am not sure if I am looking forward to it or dreading it. To me it’s a physical sign that my days of carefree fooling around are coming to a close. Maybe, not fooling around will come to a close, but a mindset will be set to peace. Remembering high school puts this into the best perspective, back when we all were a little less jaded and a little more excited about what life had in store for us. Back when we all fought against George W. Bush and were positive that if we get enough people to come to our rallies, we could save the world. Back when the only think that mattered was getting out of town and surviving school long enough to make it to college. People say being näive is a bad thing, I’m really not so sure anymore. Ignorance is bliss.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Gary Hallman’s life has been anything but normal and boring, and for the most part it’s made me happy. So why want the normal life? At the time, these constant adventures of life sometimes seem like really horrible things; like almost getting killed with a machete, practically living with 5 year olds for a year, forcing myself into cultures where I don’t speak the language and don’t know the culture. However, looking back at every time I’ve forced myself into an uncomfortable situation that puts me out of my circle of comfort, I come out being a wiser person. Or at least I always have a funny story to tell people.

In my short 20 years I have seen and experience some life changing things. Hopefully, this trend will continue.

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