Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas

Christmas Eve is upon us and like most other people out there I find myself completely exhausted. Spending time with family always makes me tired. We are all pretty high strung people and there is sure to be crazy times once the rest of the family shows up to my parents house for dinner. 

I just returned yesterday from my vacation in El Salvador and that is something that must be contributing greatly to said tiredness. That is a story worthy of its own blog(s). I'm going to have to update that later as it was a vacation of crazy adventures, relaxing beaches and drunken honour. Scout's honour to be more accurate. As I said though, more on that later.

Coming back to Canada makes one realize a lot. Like how much snow we have. Stupid, stupid amounts of snow. Are we crazy to be living here? We are among some of the richest people in the entire world and we choose to live in a place that is plagued by really really bad weather.


family just walked in....

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Snow

So time for by bi-monthly post. Winter is now in full effect and I guess that is not so bad. Give it a few weeks and I'll be begging for the warm weather. In fact, I will be heading to a land of sunshine, El Salvador, in just a few weeks. My childhood buddies and I have decided that the time was right to finally make a group trip. I am very excited. I needed to get the travel bug out of me before school hits anyways.

Things are feeling a little less melancholy lately. Work is still going on for the most part, although there is petty conflict, as per usual. People not getting along, spiteful behavior and downright laziness. Myself being guilty of the last one. I keep getting the crappy shifts though, so I don't mind that I only do what is required of me.

So school in now a 100% go. I was billed for courses yesterday so no backing out now old boy. That's right, I am now heading back into debt by another $2,700. Let's hope its a smart investment. I even already purchased a few books so I can do some reading before the semester even starts. Weird, eh?

I've been sick lately, which is never fun. However, I've had a lot of people come to cheer me up in the past few weeks. Both my mom and my dad came by for a visit and my sister and friends from America are coming up on Thursday. So lots to look forward to.

I suddenly had a very odd feeling. I've regained everything that I believed lost. My friends, my status, my desire to do something everything down to my composure. I like who I am in this moment and oddly, its a very odd feeling. Scratch that last comment about not feeling melancholy. Melancholy just came behind me and proverbially punched me in the back of the head.

Screw you "Identity Crisis". I am sick of your bullshit! If you were a woman you'd be Courtney Love. A little bit attractive in the edgy sense, but mostly just gross and pitiful. I am over you.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

sleepy

Lots of deaths this week. Will write more later. Tired. Must...get...to...bed...............

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Home



I am sitting at home for the first time in almost two months. Its good to be back. I think there must be some sort of odd phenomenon in which people canonize their respective hometowns. The act where you visualize your home as the best place on the planet. The grass is greener, the weather is better, people are nicer and things are a brighter shade of grey here. I am especially guilty of this after I have been traveling for long periods of time or if I have moved to a new city.

Of course, none of the for-mentioned things are actually true. The grass is green wherever you are, when I awoke I could see snowflakes out my window and the waitress gave me cold coffee and stale toast this morning for breakfast. It still tasted like the it was the only proper meal I've had in months.

I met my friend Matt for our ritual "Pickle Slam" this morning. The local greasy spoon has taken on many different names in the past, but the last one, the "Fickle Pickle", seems to have stuck. We discussed the general happenings of Stouffville and what he was up to with school. Never have you met a better friend than Matt. He's most likely the nicest person I have come to know.

Later on I was fooling around and I stumbled onto pictures that my brother took of us when we took a trip around Eastern Europe in 2006. It really made me miss him. He's been living in Norway working on film sets for sometime now and I haven't spoken with him in months. I used to just write that off due to the fact that we are both bad with keeping in contact, but I'm starting to wonder if its not something more.

After my last post I was having some serious thinking sessions about my future. I was feeling really down as I was reading some pretty depressing books. I asked the guy at the bookstore to pick me out some books that would be funny and lift my spirits. I assume he gets his kicks by reading books about people that have some sort of self-destructive quality that randomly triggers and then they go on some over-the-edge life changing spree. What I've learned is that those kinds of books are not really all that funny; especially when you can relate to the comically doomed character.

As I went to work that night I found myself having almost a panic attack. I was feeling in a bad mood, so I did what I usually do in that mood and I lied about something horrible that happened to me. I am a sucker for people's sympathy. I crave it like crack. The only problem being my fellow coworkers, as they came in that night with some heavy duty problems of their own.

I told people that my grandfather died of cancer. I was immediately hugged by a waitress who found out that day that her mother had life threatening cancer. This is after her favourite cousin was either stabbed or shot a few days before. And the worst part? My grandfather is actually dying of stomach cancer and won't last for longer than a few weeks.

This was a particular killjoy and I was angry at this girl for stealing what should have been my sweet, boundless sympathy. I tried to up the anti by saying that I had also met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was just a wee child, that particular day and his new evil wife and children were in tow. A different waitress followed by saying she knew how I felt because she recently found out that her long lost father did a similar trick. This, of course, made me feel even worse. So I went out and bought brownies for the three of us and we sat in the corner and ate silently, reveling in our self pity.

As I was outside that same night getting some air, a drunk patron came and stood beside me and lit of a cigarette. This older, large woman looked at me as she took a drag and asked me if I worked in the kitchen. I was wearing a white chef jacket, an apron and black pants and shoes. I nodded. This is the same conversation I have with all customers. Next she would ask me if I was in school, and after that, why I wasn't working to complete my degree.

She, true to the rule of law, asked those very same questions. However, after I responded she looked at me and said, "Good". I was a little shocked.

"I have a son who is 23 years old. He went to school when he was 17 and partied his first two years away. I tried to tell him otherwise, but what could I do? Looking back now, it was obviously a mistake for him to go to school so young. Who the fuck knows what they want when they are 17? Nobody, thats who.

They say some people wake up in the morning and know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. I've never met a person like that. And you never will because they don't exist.

He went back though and I don't view him as a late bloomer, just as someone who is starting to live their life when they should. So don't worry, you'll get there one day when you are ready."

She grabbed me and gave me a big, drunken hug. And I really hugged her back.

Friday, October 24, 2008

The Big Chill

So warm, happy, fuzzy Fall is gone and cold, wet, lack-of-sunshine Fall is here. I am, to say the least, disillusioned with this new Fall.

There is not too much to update. Work is going on, although I am starting to get annoyed with the lack of work that everyone else seems to feel entitled too. My bosses are taking advantage of my hard work, so lately I have been doing a less than stellar job hoping the might say something. I am getting tired with the monotony of this particular job, even though I like the people there. I would like to find a job with more day hours.

My friends from Stouffville and myself are taking a trip to El Salvador in the winter. December 15ths to the 23rd. Its all paid for by now so there is nothing I can do. I can't afford it, but I figure this will be the only time a trip like this is made. I am excited for it.

Sometime I look back on my life and and think that I've had things pretty hard. I am reading a book that reminded me that things have turned out okay though. In this book the author is telling his girlfriend about this time his mother ate his candy bar as a kid and then she died of cancer. He found it really hard to trust people after that and thinks of his mother as some sort of evil sorcerer. To this his girlfriend replies, "A sorcerer? Just because she ate your candy bar? My mom guzzled rye and beat us. My uncle put his dick in my armpit while I slept. My cousin hid my college acceptance letter until it was too late to reply. Your mother ate your candy bar?"

I know he was trying to be symbolic but it just goes to show how we are quick to blame everyone else for bad things that happen to us, instead of just accepting that bad things happen, regardless of who's fault it is, and moving on.

I worry sometimes that I've become scared of moving on. To move on is to accept that everything that has happened is irrelevant in the present. These are the anchors of our life though. Without all of these moments what defines us? Who are we? To move on is to accept that there is nothing left that we can salvage of our old selves and we must start anew.

This, naturally, brings up a whole other set of fears. "What if I fail again?", being the largest one that comes to mind. Staying stagnate is a clear sign of fear. It scream, "I am afraid of failure". So how does one get over this fear. There is nothing saying that if we try our hardest we will achieve our goals. This is the largest fallacy that western society has ever produce. Not only is there a chance that you could fail again, there is a good chance you will. Perhaps I'm being a little pessimistic though!

Anywho, I am off to work. Hopefully I'll get fired and finish this off later haha.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Trees are Turning

Its Fall now and I love it. I know it was "officially" Fall before this, but it looks and feels like it now. I've been in this tiny apartment for over a month now. So far, things are actually going surprisingly well. I really like living in Waterloo now. I have a totally different appreciation for it.

This past week has been nice and slow. I've spent a lot of time working, which usually consists of long nights so I haven't been up to that much. Work has been slow, as per usual, so I took the liberty of getting a Waterloo public library card so I can read to my heart content. Lately I've been rereading a book my naomi klein called "Shock Doctrine". Its a thick read, but the parallels between the Chicago School of rampant free market trade that happened in the Southern cone of South America in the 70's and today's market crisis are really striking. Very interesting.

I'm having problems with smoking. I know its bad for my health and part of me wants to quit because trying to lose weight by running in neigh impossible for a smoker. However, I have this tiny dilemma in that I really like smoking. I smoke a work, after afternoon coffee and after meals and it calms me down. I need a lot of calming these days. Oh well, if its not cancer from cigarettes, its going to be heart attacks from the food. C'est la vie?

In other news, I recently fell in love. I went to an art and music night put on by my friend last week. They had a few really good acts and some very interesting artwork. The second music act was this girl and her band. She was in a little black dress, wailed out some wicked songs and she played the electric guitar. I am in love, take me now. Unfortunately, she's dating the bass guitarist. I can't say for sure, but I have a fairly good idea that he's a douche bag. Don't ask me why, I just know these things. I mean, the bass? Might as well play a board with some brown paper string attached to it. That's how much skill the bass takes. Definitely a douche.

Someone is getting fired today. I feel bad for him, but mostly I feel bad for me because I am going to be there when he gets fired. I am also taking all his old shifts (because I told them they should fire him and give me his shifts). Did I also mention that this guy is really weird? Because he is. Seriously. Him getting fired has nothing, mostly, to do with me.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

"The Circle of Life"

So I'm back where I was when I first started this whole "blog" nonsense. In my room, in Waterloo, a little high. It's taken me a full three years to do one big complete circle. Haha, you just cannot beat that. Before, I would have maybe saw that as a sad thing, but I realize now that its what life should be for me right now. It feels right this time. Its almost as if I am putting on a shoe that seemed too big three years ago but now feels snug.

I think Fall has something to do with calm mood that I've been in the past few weeks. There is something about Autumn that has always spelled new beginnings to me. The smell of burning leaves, the sounds of the new school semester or people that have started to walk briskly, instead of a steady gamble, due to the coming cold. These are all things that I've found very relaxing. Instead of getting energized and high strung of this new season, I tend to slow down and notice how fast everyone else seems to be going.

I've been back in Waterloo for almost a month. I live with 2 guys and 2 girls. The guys our loud and nuts, and the girls are calm and quiet. We are your typical university students. I am not in school, although I wish I was. I've had to settle to work this semester and start in the winter.

I work at a pub called "Failte". Which I think means, "Hello" in Gaelic. I work a 40 hour week from 6-2am most nights. Its has a small kitchen where I work as the cook. Seeing as its an Irish pub, people go there most of the time to drink, not to eat. I read a lot of books at this job. (Which, apparently, is a great way to meet girls. Also, one time a guy asked me if I wanted to come back to his house once I was done work to hang and drink beer. I said no.)

Other than work I mostly spend my time researching music or doing grocery shopping. I've been to a two parties this year.

The first was an Anything But Clothes party. I did the follow:

* Wrapped myself in cardboard and alluminum foil. I want to say it was a suit, but to be honest,
it looked more like a dress. I won first prize for the guys.
* Drank a large amount of Jack Daniels and then played tip cup.
* Went home and then to The Duke to see Dave and Gina. Lots of other people were there.
* For no apparent reason, I decided to have a good cry at this point. Cried at the bar? Check. Cried outside? Check. Cried by a large display of barrels, outside your house? Check. Check. Check. By the way, this was all in front of my good friends, random people, and my still very good looking ex-girlfriend. Oi vey.

The second part I went to this year was a party of a good friend. I had a few drinks and then felt really old because everyone apparently knew my name but I didn't know a single soul because they were all 3-4 years younger than me.

Thus has been my life in Semtember. I'm not exuberently happy. However, I am far from depressed and sad. Which I suppose is the best a man can hope for. I left my home and friends and came back to something that was difficult for me to do. I'm proud of myself for doing that and that is what keeps me happy. Along with the excellent roommates, a steady diet of KD and pizza pockets and a few good cries.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Fear and Anger

What a week this was. For some reason I just feel so horribly alone right now. Not in a depressing way. More like I feel I don't have anyone I can relate to at the moment. It's really just been a week of coming into my own. I am just coming to the realization that some friendships have changed beyond my control.

So you know that whole thing about being indifferent to moving back to waterloo? Ya, that's completely changed to fear now. Everything is different and I'm not sure if I'm going to fit in all that well. All of these questions are zooming through my head. What if I clash too much? What if I just don't get along with people there?

Mostly, I'm just worried about one particular group of people. I used to be friends with these guys and then something bad happened. Partially my fault, partially circumstances out of my control. It was a really hard time in my life and it was because of this that I dropped out of school and took this time to do all of that soul searching elsewhere.

I've visited a few times since that time and I've always had some mixed reactions. Some people apologized to me, some ignored the problem and we've pretended like it never happened, and then some people completely ignored me as if I didn't even exist.

These guys are all friends of my friends and they are still what I would call close. I'm worried about how it will be when I move back. Will they just continue to ignore my existence? Get angry? Will I get angry and do something rash? I have tried to move on from all of this, but I know deep down there is still a fair amount of bitterness and anger left there. How is this all going to pass?

I will always have this memory of a girl I once called a friend walking into a room and she began crying because I was there. Since that time she has avoided me and if we happened to be at the same place she would always make sure she was at opposite ends of the room and it was like she would just refuse to see me. I can't believe how hurtful that is. I'm not sure if I want to willingly walk back into that situation. I know I have to though.

At the same time I just feel as though I am without anyone to turn. I really don't feel comfortable enough with anyone I know to really flesh out and discuss all of my fears. That in itself really bothers me. Part of this whole experience has made me truly unable to trust anyone.
Part of this feeling is also due to the fact that a lot of people I know are getting married. The last friend getting married kind of knocked me off my feet a bit. Everyone is getting so serious so quickly. I really feel like I am falling behind in the great "game of life".

I was talking with a good friend tonight who happens to feel the same way and she reminded me that this is not exactly what most people consider normal.

Anywho, I just needed to get this all out. A good vent is really what I needed. I feel much better.

Angst

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Summer

It has almost been a year since my departure from Germany. I feel like I just got back. Its strange to hear myself say that its almost been 12 months since my return when people ask me about it. I am still going through a lot of the same feelings I get every time I travel. How does one move on? During that specific moment of my life everything revolved around my time spent in Europe, from arrival to return. Now that I have had enough space to distance myself from that point it almost feels awkward.

I did something really selfish/hilarious/horribly unmoral. I recently went to a bar and ran into a very good looking girl from High school.I actually used to be her TA, but that is irrelevant. She was younger than me and had heard that I left to do a fair amount of traveling. The conversation went as such:
"Hey! Oh my god! I hear you went and did a bunch of work with people with AIDs in Africa!"

"Uh.....well..."

"I think that's so cool. You're such a great guy to do that..."

".....Yes, I am. It was pretty hard, but I'm better for it."

(awesome night ensues)


Yea....pretty bad right? It was actually my brother who did the work with needy people in Africa, but he is too morally gifted to take advantage of that. Rightfully so. Apparently, I'm not? I did teach kids English? That's giving something back too! Right?

What I thought were growing feelings of anxiety in regards to moving back to Waterloo are now showing themselves to be growing feelings of indifference. I was worried that I wouldn't fit back into the way things were, only to realize that I don't really have a desire to go back to the way things were. It would be like trying to play chess with checkers. The board and pieces are the same, but the game has matured and changed. What once was, is now more complex and different.

This doesn't mean I am not excited to move down though. I am ready for round 2. No screw ups this time.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

This is how we do from 08' to Infinity

Souls of Mischief know the lyrics to soothe the heart. I am addicted to the easy going beats.

Lately things have been going well. It seems that I have been in the all too familiar rhythm of "work, eat, sleep". I have had some time lately to hang with my buds from KW and play a little poker. Very cool indeed.

Can I really tell you anything of significance? Things are as the have always been.

And now I will kick and push and kick and push and kick and push and kick and push and coast into bed.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Shitty shit shit

Today was just one of those shitty days that makes me want to swear my f'ing face right off. I have never been so close to actually fighting someone in my entire life. I'd love to write another rant blog about how my co worker sucks and how unjust everything in my life was today, but I seem to have enough of those already.

Instead of going to the Feist concert tonight I instead came home and had a shower, which always cheers me up at the end of a long day. After that I decided that this was an occasion that called for me to spent a little time and money on pizza and beer. I'm very happy with my choice so far.

I have been repeating my mantra of "the harder the work, the sweeter the reward". I think I might get that tattooed onto my hand. That would be a big help.

Blogging really is the perfect way to let off a little steam.

I've decided to start writing again. This time a little bit more professionally. I'm going to be writing all of my past stories of growing up in stouffville and about my unusual family. Its pretty much a straight rip off of david sadaris, but I figure I should start with a familiar theme and then progress from there.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Another day another dollar

I started my new job at Betz on monday. Perhaps I should say I started my old job? I am so tired. I am on openings for the first part of spring and it is much harder work than weekly service. I'm looking forward to starting that! All this back breaking hard labour is unbecoming of me. I might actually start to develop some muscles if I'm not careful.

Saturday was my last day at Boston Pizza. The last of Dave Jones and the kitchen and of Mike Mac and our schooner days. They will be fond memories for sure. In honour of my leaving I made sure that Saturday wasn't a night to forget. Actually, I wish now that I did as it was quite a crazy party. Needless to say, I don't think they'll be having me back at Boston Pizza Stouffville for a little while (I danced on the bar). I know what you're thinking and you're right. I am awesome.

I feel bad for only Dave Jones. I really respect him and I suppose its a character flaw of mine that I actually feel devastatingly bad whenever I screw up. I wish I didn't, but I have this amazingly overpowered need to have people think well of me. Whenever someone gets mad or even disappointed in me it sends me into quite a literally crippling depression. Its all I can focus on and all I can think about and I start to be horribly hard on myself. What can I say? I'm a people pleaser but in my own twisted selfish way.

Well I am as the French say, "le tired". So I will bid this post adieu. Sleep tasty.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Moving on and on and on and on and on......

So I signed and sent in a lease for an apartment in Waterloo for the Fall. It is now set in stone that I am moving down to waterloo regardless of what happens with school. I am actually pretty excited, which is kind of surprising. I was kind of dreading it for a while but now I am looking forward to it. Change of pace is always something to be excited for I suppose.

My last day at Boston Pizza is this Saturday. Thank god. I am looking forward to working outside and enjoying the nice weather that spring has finally brought us.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Don't waste your time or time will waste you

I am listening to Silversun Pickups at the moment and I do have to say that they are quite awesome. Great indie band with some catchy singles. Check'em out if you get a chance.


Today was, to me anyways, the first true day of spring. The weather was windy but carried a familiar spring essence with it. I went for a walk today with a friend in Pickering along the lake by the nuclear plant. The irony of it was too good to pass up.

I like spring because everything looks so clean. Its really like the new year is starting now. May is around the corner and it seemed like just yesterday that winter was out in full force. Another fresh beginning for another new year of my life. Its all so exciting...haha.

I have become addicted to the BBC documentary "planet earth". What an amazing bunch of videos of the world. Its like when I watch one of them I get a little whiff of that travel smell and I am placated for another few days...haha.

I have also decided to become a tea master. I will brew my own teas. I figured that I've always liked tea, so why not try making a few of my own flavours? In case you are wondering, I have been watching quite a few asian epic movies/tv shows. The most bitching dudes always drink tea. Very noble.

Speaking of which, time for a cup.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

It had something to do with a wenesday....

"If I had eyes in the back of my head, I would have told you that you look good as you walked away". That is one heck of a hilarious pick up line provided to us today by none other than Mr. Jack Johnson. I received his new album a few days ago and I am now giving it a good listen. So far so good.

I don't work until 5pm today so I have had the morning to chill and do my own thing. Oddly enough, I didn't sleep in. Whenever I have the opportunity to sleep in I usually get up bright and early. What did I have to wake up to this morning? A piping hot bowl of pea soup. I need to stop eating weird things. Having been so many places in which breakfast is defined by whatever you have around from the previous day, I now have very few qualms about downing a can of coke and leftover pizza for breakfast. Pea soup, however, was what was available.

On a more personal note, I have now come to the conclusion that I no longer believe in God. Feels weird to be writing that. I agree with the values, the morals and I am still a very big advocate of nonviolence and pacifism, but I just cannot lie and say that I believe in a God who rules over my destiny and everything else. Perhaps its my astounding ability to refuse to let anyone tell me what to do. The very idea of having my life fit someone else's ideals is just something that doesn't sit well with me.

This is a little worrying as I just signed up to be a leader in my churches adults group. I wonder how they are going to take it. I'm thinking that I'm just going to tell them and go cold turkey. I feel bad about it, but its what's healthy I guess.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

The Avalanche

What to say of the past few weeks. Such crazy times as these are hard to blog, as I often find myself short on the actual memories needed to describe the events.

I've been living la vita loca for the past little while and I am glade to say that I have been taking a little break from it. Not so much of a break as I'm not going out every single night. Last night however I did not return home until the bright hour of 7am. That was one heck of a party. One I don't think that I'll I be quick to forget.

I recently attended another party at a friend's place in Port Perry. It was my first visit to the fair town and I have to say that I will definitely need to make a return visit come summer time. We are all clamoring for that beautiful time of year, aren't we? It was a good time and there was plenty of dancing to go around. I am not as young as I used to be, but apparently I can still cut a mean rug.

I am smitten with a girl. She is frigging crazy, but then again, that is my type I suppose. There is not a chance in hell though that anything will become of it. Shade.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. A time honoured tradition inwhich all peoples of the world come together to get hammered in honour of our Irish compatriots. Well, Slante friends.


Come on State!
Come on Song!
Come on Life!
Come on Road!
Make it right!
Make it noise!

Monday, March 03, 2008

Reflections of a long forgot past

So I've spent the last hour stalking the blogs of the new Intermenno trainees. All I can say so far is that I hate them. Alright, that was a little harsh. I am jealous of them. They're off on an adventure and I feel as though my adventures have come to an end for the time being. Drives me absolutely crazy sometimes to think that I have spent all that I have to spend in life. I know that isn't the case, far from it actually, but thats how I feel.

I have recently come to the conclusion that I need to grow up. Not a lot, but a little. I feel that I have been purposely keeping myself where I am so that I won't have to face the hard work that I know is soon to come. The thing that has been bothering me though is that keeping myself here is really more work than that which I am avoiding.

So with this realization has come a plethora of arduous tasks. Such as getting a credit card, figuring out my living situation for next term and all of my courses arranged.

I sometimes look at who I am now and who I was 2 years ago and wonder what happened. I'm such a bitter person at times, its almost as if I am completely different. As if that old part of me that was quick to laugh and slow to get angry died a little bit. Is this the way the world will take its toll on me? What if I am 75 one day and I am nothing but a empty husk of what I once was? That prospect scares me greatly.

Spring Time

Its hard to believe that it's already march! Today was a nice balmy day of 9C. I readily enjoyed walking home in this weather, it helped me calm down a bit. You see, I was in what some might call a bad mood. I called it being "defensive". Anyone who tread on my toes today got a nice blast of "Ode to Gary's Wrath".

Today has been a day of action. I watched American Beauty last night. Whenever I watch that movies I always get the sudden urge to rise up and surprise myself. Oh Kevin Spacey, you are a devilish one aren't you...

Here is to hopefully, a better mood tomorrow.

Cheers

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Fruit Punch

So here is something crazy, I just drank a whole jug of juice. Mmhmm, thats right. 2 liters of delicious punch. I always had a hard time explaining the whole, "juice from concentrate" thing to Europeans. For some reason the very notion of adding water to frozen "essence of juice" has to be seen to be believed.

So the past week has been nice. I called in sick on Saturday and went down to see my friend Matt in Waterloo with my bro Tim. My girlfriend officially hates him as he asked her for some sexy pictures. When she wasn't sure what he was talking about, Tim replied, " You know baby, for the Internet". Needless to say, things did not turn out well.

I was fortunate enough to be treated to a delicious dinner at The Keg this evening by my Grandfather. I like going out with him. He is deaf as all hell, so it is usually just him talking and me listening. Which is nice. He has a lot of good advice to give in a short night.

Talking with him has given me some clarity of mind. Lately I have been feeling a little off kilter for some reason. There has been a lot to decide lately in regards to my future and I have been putting it off. I think perhaps I am finally ready to deal with life, and my life I mean everything that has been encompassing my head for the past 6 months.

Part of me really feels as if I am finally waking up emotionally again. As lame as that must sound, its the truth. I've been hurt so many times in the past few years that I've trained myself to be dead emotionally as a sort of safeguard I suppose. This is the reason I am a total dick to most girls. If one was to ask the female waitresses at my restaurant who they hate the most the answer would most likely be my boss. Then me.

Side Track Time

Sometimes I wonder if people I have been with even remember me. Do they think about me as often as I think about them, or am I just some sort of bad memory that has been forgot about. Push back into the furthest reaches of the subconscious, left as a dried husk of remembrance. A person they will not even mention when mentioning the worst of their bad moments.

I think about every girl I have ever had feelings for. Often. What does that say about me?

End Side Track Time


The thing I like about blogs is I can write what I am thinking. Its like I can see my inner-monologue in written form and suddenly I can see a path way into my mind. A blog is like a mirror into what I am actually thinking. Interesting.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

I am tired and my butt is sore. This is most likely because I have been sitting for quite some time on this seat doing very, very important things. Not playing video games. That would be crazy.

My life today in Haiku form

I really hate my dumb job
I am bored as hell.
Today I made forty pizzas


All right. Time to do something awesome so peace out.

/cookie

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

2008

So talk about being a neglectful blogger. I find blogging to be quite like taking out the garbage. Sometimes you straight up do not want to do it, and so we let it sit. Eventually though, if you leave it long enough, it tends to build up to the point where it becomes quite the task to get it all out.

Anywho, here is the skinny. It is now 2008. Happy New Year. I spent the new year in Ottawa with Matt J, my friend from Switzerland Debbie, and and another Intermenno friend Erin. Needless to say it was awesome and a good time was had by all. Debbie made out with an American dude. It was awesome. Matt and I were very interested in these very nice Aussie babes for the majority of the time. Actually, as it would turn out, they were in fact not babes at all, but rather large women. Not that I am that superficial to care.

What am I up to now? Good question. I work at a Boston Pizza in Stouffville. I like a few of the people I work with but I still spend a large portion of the day thinking about not working or somehow wishing I was back in Germany.

I have decided to return back to the University of Waterloo this coming Fall and it looks like I will be living in an apartment with some friends. Part of me is super excited and the other half of me is scared to death. Still a lot to mull over in that department.

I am currently seeing a very nice girl who looks like she'll be a lot of fun. She is young. Very young, but whatever. I have been spending a lot of time with her and she it pretty much amazing. She's going to get me into trouble, I can see it already.

I have the feeling of being supremely unsettled again. I am starting to get that flight feeling. That I just need to take off again and do my own thing. I am not really sure what to do. I sometimes wonder if I will ever follow through and actually complete university or if I'm doomed to be one of those guys who lives in various hostels when I'm 45.