Monday, March 03, 2008

Reflections of a long forgot past

So I've spent the last hour stalking the blogs of the new Intermenno trainees. All I can say so far is that I hate them. Alright, that was a little harsh. I am jealous of them. They're off on an adventure and I feel as though my adventures have come to an end for the time being. Drives me absolutely crazy sometimes to think that I have spent all that I have to spend in life. I know that isn't the case, far from it actually, but thats how I feel.

I have recently come to the conclusion that I need to grow up. Not a lot, but a little. I feel that I have been purposely keeping myself where I am so that I won't have to face the hard work that I know is soon to come. The thing that has been bothering me though is that keeping myself here is really more work than that which I am avoiding.

So with this realization has come a plethora of arduous tasks. Such as getting a credit card, figuring out my living situation for next term and all of my courses arranged.

I sometimes look at who I am now and who I was 2 years ago and wonder what happened. I'm such a bitter person at times, its almost as if I am completely different. As if that old part of me that was quick to laugh and slow to get angry died a little bit. Is this the way the world will take its toll on me? What if I am 75 one day and I am nothing but a empty husk of what I once was? That prospect scares me greatly.

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