Monday, January 19, 2009

January

Dear January,

Why do you suck so badly? On a scale of good to bad, you'd most likely be stuck right between falling into a barrel of rusty nails and finding out that your favourite snack is being taken off the shelves due to their newly discovered carcinogenic flavoring.

I know that seems a little harsh, but its true. Your attitude pretty much blows when compared to other months. Your weather is cold and harsh, everyone runs out of money, parties are at an all time low, no holidays, and you are pretty much only second to your little brother February when it comes to being a general downer.

What can you do to change this? First, stop being so cold. When I walked to class today it was -18c and that was without the windchill. Seriously, what the hell? Do I go around stuffing people into a goddamn freezer when I want them to like me? No. What do you see in this picture outside my house?


If you've answered too much frigging snow, you win a prize. Congrats.






Secondly, way more holidays. December is always going to be number one unless you do something about it. New Year's Eve, unfortunately, does not count. That is still December's territory in my opinion. It's like we have to hang out with that kid who puts his hand up in lectures and nags us about hangovers (that's you) after we've just been to the wildest party of our lives. Even February has "Family Day", the weakest excuse for a holiday since they've been conceived. Might I suggest a holiday in which large amounts of money are given to students.

Lastly, please cheer up. There is still hope. You can be cool. I believe in you. Screw the other months, they only got where they are today by sleeping with the good seasons.

Thanks for your time,

Concerned Student

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