Like I said earlier I've been sick. Usually, this would be a good thing, because I would have a legitimate reason to skip class and not get marks deducted for attendance. Win-win. However, this week is different because I am trying to woo a professor into taking me under his wing. I am a horrible student. I have had countless teachers, bosses, supervisors and professors give me the whole "if you only applied yourself" speech. It's just not for me. I'm not an academic. What I am can only be described as the world's greatest suck up. Call it what you may, but I leave a school/job with a shining reference after just scraping by. This time it's different.
I expected to flash the ol'smile, say the right things and have this world renowned professor under my finger. No dice. He is one hell of a tricky bastard. He's a cranky old man, who has mastered the art of not giving a shit about anything. I am getting some progress, but he is making me work for it. Me...work...I am dying.
Anyways, doing all this extra work has made me skip on the things I need to do like cleaning my apartment, laundry and buying groceries. I've been using this sick time to wash everything but I had been delaying buying groceries for about a week, and I was getting hungry. Buying groceries scares me. Why? A girl.
There is a girl who works at the grocery store. She goes to the same university that I do and I bump into her all the time. She's a psychology major and quite good looking. I used to go grocery shopping everyday, just so I'd possibly bump into her. I'd buy things that I usually wouldn't if she was there, like whole wheat pasta, expensive cheeses (I'm lactose intolerant) and vegetables like asparagus that would inevitably go bad in my refrigerator. I liked her a lot. We went out for coffee. I had a pretty good time and I think she did too.
Then I did something stupid. Really stupid. On a scale of 1 to 10, it's most likely a 9. I went to a club and ended up going home with her good friend. I know, I'm a bastard. What followed was a super awkward week of dating her friend, which ended with me trying to give her a high-five after I told her we should just be friends. It was the most awkward moment of my life.
As I waltzed down the different areas of the grocery store in my sickness stupor, I decided to forgo my usual healthy choices and went with pizza pockets and pop. I'm an emotional eater. I plopped my stuff down on the counter, looked up and who should be standing there but my girl-crush who I blew it with.
I went to say something smart and witty, but all that came out was "ugh". I grunted at her. What the fuck is wrong with me? After coming to my senses, I apologized for what happened. She tore me a new one. I mean, really tore me a new asshole in front of a line of people. She started crying. New most awkward moment of my life. I took it in stride. I did those things, I deserve it.
As I went to leave, she said the following:
You have my number, so phone it. Screw me over again and I'll kill you.
I think I'm in love.